As January lands at our doorstep, thoughts naturally turn to New Year’s resolutions. Many clients will undoubtedly rush excitedly through the doors of our gyms on January 1st, eager to jump into new goals: losing weight, toning up, eating healthier, etc. While all of these seem laudable and indeed attainable, clients often get bogged down by what accompanies every good intention.
- Dietary restrictions
- Carving out time to exercise
- Making the effort to prepare healthier dinners/pack lunches for work
- Self-recrimination when it all falls apart
Here we offer some ideas that may have clients feeling better about their abilities to stick with this year’s goals. Read on for some enlightening new ways to frame thoughts in the coming months.
The Fallacy of an “All-or-Nothing” Mentality
January 1st marks a milestone for many individuals — a time of fresh starts and new opportunities. While approximately 50% of adults set New Year’s intentions, sadly, 80% have either given in or given up by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around.
What makes adherence to good intentions go awry? Often, it comes down to berating ourselves when we fall short of our own expectations. Instead of focusing on consistency, we choose to insist on perfection; therefore, if we miss even a single workout in a week, we abandon our goals entirely, feeling as if we have somehow failed. According to Dr. Colleen Fairbanks, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in health and wellness, “Change happens when we consistently show up for ourselves. Consistency doesn’t mean perfection.”
We Can Redefine “Success”
New Year’s resolutions often seem laden with shame and/or guilt; consider the emotional implications of the following:
- I should be healthier
- I am not working as hard as I should
- I should work on my savings/spending ratio
- I should get more sleep
We automatically put a negative spin on the aspects of our lives that we want to improve. The real question of what we want for ourselves might not mesh with what we think we should want to please those around us. What if we challenge ourselves to reframe our thinking in terms of intention rather than resolution?
“So often, we set goals but lack a clear idea of what success should really look like,” says Ben Michaelis, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. “Then when we come up short, we feel worthless.” We often catch ourselves losing sight of the difference between pursuing excellence and chasing the ever-elusive perfection. If we first consider the questions of “What do I want to learn? To change?” then we will not disappoint ourselves.
The best way to start this process involves thinking about and pursuing those aspects of life that speak to our own interests. If one does in fact have a passion for wellness, they can take the time to research different kinds of wellness activities to see what feels right and appropriate.
Setting an Intention
As compared to a resolution, which can sometimes come across as a harsh edict, intentions feel much lighter. An intention involves creating a vision for how we want our lives to look in the near future. By identifying and owning this intention, we can place all of our energy into the process of transformation, free of the punitive feelings that one associates with failing to meet expectations. Rather, we commit ourselves to betterment by accepting this new path of daily growth.
Psychologist Dr. Janet Polivy coined the term false hope syndrome to describe the cycle of unrealistic goal-setting, which inevitably ushers in feelings of disappointment and failure. When an individual sets New Year’s resolutions based on societal pressures (ideas that start with “I should”) rather than intrinsic desires (platforms that begin with “I want”), falling short does not signify weakness, but merely indicates the need to reassess and determine what truly matters. Intentions associated with one’s personal values/morals lead to persistence, as opposed to extrinsic rewards-driven goals. We can think of this as the difference between getting fit to feel better and exercising to fit into that little black dress for a 1-night special occasion.
The Joy of the Experience
Can making New Year’s resolutions backfire and cause us harm? According to Dr. Nassir Ghaemi, Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine, “Making resolutions and not keeping them could lead to a decrease in your self-esteem, and that might be a good reason not to make them.”
A drop in self-esteem can lead to problems with self-acceptance. This, in turn, can propagate a host of undesirable and often dangerous behaviors. Overeating, gambling, excessive drinking, and illicit drug use all align with low self-esteem, as do depression, anxiety, conflicts in relationships, and trust issues.
In comparison, a healthy sense of self-esteem can contribute to setting and accomplishing realistic intentions and personal goals. How can we learn to fortify our self-esteem and embrace ourselves while concurrently working on change?
Keeping New Year’s resolutions can encompass so much more than simply accomplishing specific goals; the process affords us an opportunity to harness the psychological benefits that come with achieving them. If we establish realistic intentions through which we believe we can find success, we can track progress, seek support along the way if necessary, and practice self-compassion. Throughout this kinder, less punitive journey, we can experience the joy of personal growth and well-being throughout the entire year.
Reframing ‘Guilty Pleasures”
As stated above, the difference between want and should can create a tug-of-war dynamic for many individuals. We know inherently that eating clean and exercising regularly will always benefit our bodies and our minds; yet sometimes we might fall prey to desiring a night of TV movies on the couch with a bowl of buttery popcorn. This turmoil often gets repetitive and tiresome.
Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and Harvard have created what they consider the perfect antidote: We can combine “shoulds” with “wants, thereby diminishing regret while leading to better follow-through. The research scientists involved in the study found that subjects who could listen to exciting and in-depth novels on tape only while exercising showed a 51% greater likelihood to go to the gym than their counterparts who merely received verbal encouragement to work out.
Celebrating Moments
Before sitting down with pen and paper and drafting New Year’s resolutions, we might choose to revisit this past year in review. If we take a few moments to acknowledge challenges we overcame, wins we achieved, and lessons we learned (sometimes the hard way), we can better prepare ourselves to decide what to seek/change/intend for the coming year. We can start by asking the following questions ~
- When did I feel most proud of myself, even if nobody else noticed?
- What small victories or milestones did I fail to celebrate?
- What personal strengths have I cultivated this year?
- What was the hardest thing I faced in 2025, and how did I overcome it?
- Did I learn anything valuable about myself through this experience?
- How and in what areas of my life did I achieve personal growth, even if the progress was slow?
- What people, places, or experiences made me feel alive?
- At what moment(s) did I feel truly aligned with myself?
- What habit(s) might I wish to experiment with in the year ahead, to support evolving into the best version of myself?
Now, armed with this knowledge, writing a list of intentions and wants for 2026 instantly gets transformed from what one should do into how one can find success at what they want to see happen.
Final Thoughts
Even if we set intentions in place of resolutions, we can expect the journey to have peaks and valleys. We must remember to hold ourselves with grace and compassion, accept setbacks as a normal partner in change/growth, and use these opportunities as stepping stones to growth rather than viewing them as failures. Flexibility can serve us well when we face challenges, and we undoubtedly will. Knowing we can always adjust our resolutions, adapt, and take a different turn helps tremendously.
If we can greet the new calendar year focusing upon what we want to see unfold for ourselves, we build in the fortitude to spend a bit more time preparing for the challenge psychologically. Having a readiness for change before starting a resolution increases the likelihood of success.
References
goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/how-to-keep-new-years-resolutions?srsltid=AfmBOorlSaw7XS95J10jjtDlyw9oPFyEqcJUOr-Zk9UnjdlbR6LdC3TT
oprah.com/health_wellness/science-behind-reaching-goals
raisingworldchildren.com/2017/12/27/discover-power-new-year-intentions-resolutions/
goalsontrack.com/2025/02/02/new-years-resolutions-already-failed-heres-why-february-is-scientifically-the-best-time-to-reset/
brandeis.edu/health/promotion/resources/articles/alternative-resolutions.html
alohapsych.com/stories/unlocking-the-psychological-benefits-of-keeping-your-new-years-resolutions#:~:text=Break%20Goals%20into%20Smaller%20Steps,them%20in%20your%20daily%20life.
theeverygirl.com/end-of-year-journal-prompts/
ibw.edu/blog/student-life/5-resolution-tips-best-version-of-you/?srsltid=AfmBOoplwQDCciYqU4nxpTlQAwGl638ebk6WT_3fEp1YXHhwRuWX21m6
medicine.tufts.edu/news-events/news/your-new-years-resolution-accept-yourself
